Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Tagged by dyke in saudi

I have to write 10 things that are weird or unknown about me.

so here they are:

1. I talk to my self when I can't concentrate.

2. I always need help in my h.w's.

3. I love the color pink but I can't see my self wearing it.

4. I have mood swings.

5. I still sleep with the teddy bear I got on my 18th birthday .

6. curly hair, thick eye brows, small eyes are what i look for in a girl (plus a great personality)

7. I have this dream about having a group of lesbian friends and getting together every now and then..I hate that I have to keep my self in the closet because I live with straight people.

8. I'm loving GOLD

9. I think my mom used to have a lesbian relationship

10. I hate cursing & smoking

I tag No ONE

Monday, February 19, 2007

My Valentine

I'm back again..
I forgot all about my blog since I was so busy studying and stuff..
I'll just talk about my valentines day..
I was desperatly single a week before valentine..
I was planning to sleep all day long to get it off my mind but a surprise happened !
the friday before valentine I received a text msg that told me that am committed her :D
she apologized about everything and confessed that she just wanna be with me..
She told me that she's my valentine..and that I dont have to worry about anything else..
I started looking for the perfect gift..and I was so lost cuz I had so little time !
I got her this red leather bracelet with a heart on it,,
teddy bear holding red flowers as a key chain,,
a box of heart shaped chocolate wrapped with red paper,,
a bag chain or something like that with her sign on it with RED
I made her a CD with all our songs in it..
we were planning to meet on Wednesday but instead we met on Tuesday in my place..
the room had red balloons everywhere..
I chose a movie for us to watch together which was (SERENDIPITY)
I made a chocolate heart shaped cake for her..
and I arranged the chips in a heart shape ..

The movie didn't work..
She arrived so late ( 11 pm :/ )
The cake was ruined
My aunt crashed our romantic date..

and it was a disaster..
I wanted to get red flower & red candles but there was so little time..
and since my aunt crashed our date ,, thank god I didn't put any..
(I mean the balloons were enough :| )
she left at 12.30..
and she didnt even kiss me :(

it was a nightmare i know..but I'm still waiting for a kiss..

Friday, December 15, 2006


I'm sad..
my heart is broken again..
I fell for her since the 1st time we talked..
we clicked..
each one of us had a big big crush on the other..
but I said something as a joke and it ruined everything..
maybe she doesn't wana talk to me again..
she thinks I'm this rude person..
I really want to be with her..
she's special..

Sunday, December 03, 2006


If anyone who trusted me gave me their password..I would never look at something I shouldn't be looking at..I would just go and do what i was asked to do and thats it.

I once gave an ex bf one of my account's passwords..he checked all my inbox msgs and accused me of betraying him with some guy..while i was just fooling around with a friend who is a girl
(her nickname didn't show that she was a girl).
and laptop was with one of my close friends who I trust more than my self
(but who doesn't know that I'm into girls)..
at that time she called and asked for my permission to take a look at the files and pictures in my laptop.
ofcourse I said yes..but I never thought that she'd go and read my chat logs..and which chat logs? the ones between me and R..she knew my secret..she remained silent for two weeks..then she came to talk to me about it few days ago.
the surprise is:
she's also into girls..and she's been through what I've been through..

why are people so nosey :S !!
I'd never go and read anyone's chat logs :S or email msgs cuz it could hurt me or I could know something I never knew about and it could change my life or my relationship with that person !
so I'm always on the safe side..

ok here's another thing..
people nowadays are talking about (MOI) kinno mafi ella ana bildinya..
and saying that (MOI) is gay.

the problem is:
-I'm a shy, deep person !
-I never show anything !
-Nothing says that I'm gay!
-Not my clothes, nor the way i act !
-I don't have lesbian friends !
-I never had a true GF !
-Almost NO ONE knows about me
(except my ex's,my closest cousin,2 close friends who would nevertalk and few and I say FEW net friends who don't even know any personal info about me !)
-I never flirted with any girl at all :S

and I was also wondering about something else..
A Dr would love to be called a Dr (without doubt)
A teacher would love to be called a teacher..
but WHY..
a lesbian would hate to be called a lesbian..
I'm sure some girls are proud of this thing, and some others aren't ..
but why are we hiding it..
why do we lose our tempers when someone says that about us
(when its the truth)..

that's all I have to say for now..

Sunday, November 26, 2006

to violet I write..

sometimes I wonder..

-does she still remember ( the blue day book)..the one I gave to her when she was having one of the worsttimes of her life..and it made her smile , cry & laugh, does she still keep it?

-does she still smile when she listens to OUR song..or does it brings sadness to her heart because I'm not thereto listen to it with her..
(Mst`3riba..hatha ilhawa..a7la o ajmal 3a6ifa..)

-does she still remember me when she sees my favorite i do when i see her's?

-does she wake up in the middle of the nite and wish I was still there?

-does she regret leaving me or she's happy with the person she's with right now?

-will she ever find anyone who will understand her unspoken words and heal her wounds..

-will anyone ever cry because she's crying? or is it just me who used to share everything with her, even tears..?

-will she ever love someone more than she loved me? or did she promise her self never to love someone as much as she loved the promise I gave my self after she left?

I gave my self this promise the day she left:
that no matter how much I loved someone..I'll never love them as much as I loved her..she'll always have this special place in my heart..forever and ever..we both gone on different ways, fell inlove with other people..but she's still THE ONE..and she's still in my heart, and I'd leave anything to be with her again..

(7obha kan ba7ar..o 7ob kil a7ad mn b3dha nig6a fi ba7ar..)

Friday, November 17, 2006

I don't want my heart anymore

I'm throwing it away, I don't need it anymore..
falling inlove is just an excuse to get hurt..mob akthaar..

Friday, November 03, 2006

Another Try

Me and R are giving it a try again.
she decided to open her heart and give her self a chance to love.
I'm trying to be with other people.
I once asked her what will happen if I told her that I was with someone else. she said that she has no right to say anything but she would leave me because she doesn't like sharing anything she have with anyone..
what a weirdo..she told me that she has a feeling that I'm really with someone else.
ME, being scared of losing her again lied.
I'm just trying to get over her by being with someone else.